How to support your pregnant partner is so key at building a new and stronger bond as parents. I carried out a social media survey and asked mums the question “How did your partner support you in pregnancy” This blog shows you quoted statements from different mum views of how to support your pregnant partner, with helpful and hindering conclusions.
- Pregnancy’s real to woman
- Whats love to you?
- How can I support holistically?
- Conclusions in supporting
- Emotional support
- Physical support
- Mental support
- How to support pregnant partner holistically
- Nurturing stronger relationships for children
- Transforming mindset towards partner
- Extra tips for you
How to support your pregnant partner when pregnancy real to the woman
Pregnancy can be a vulnerable time in a woman’s life. There are many aspects about pregnancy like the emotions changing, that can be turbulent egg shell walking times, with the highs of the nerves and hormones and the continual changing body
As woman it affects us physiologically, oh can you remember the mood swings and the highs and lows.
These changes are much more real than it can be towards our pregnant partner. One woman noted that
“It’s important to remember that partners – especially those very involved – can get postpartum depression too. Make sure you check-in with them and give them support back. For example, stocked the freezer with meals from Cook so he doesn’t need to cook in those early days. Communicating to understand each others needs and when each other needs a break is key when you’re in a true team situation.”
Whats love to you? Affects how we support our pregnant partner
Two important aspects in life and necessary to help us feel comfort, especially when we’re pregnant are, money and love.
Without these, life in a relationship can be much more tested.
But these two important aspects are rarely taught at school.
“Children learn from what we do, not what we say.”
D.Richardson
Along our journey we see what “love” is, through our experiences, by which acceptance is often gaged.
It is only when we mature and I hope truly love and respect all of us, warts and all, we can step away from the boys with their toys as woman and recognise the need for maturity, consistency, accountability, and responsibility in a partner.
But it took me becoming a mum to really understand this.
The checklist is high now, because being on my own six years has really shaken me soulfully and I now comprehend what ‘love and support’ is
Remember your mum olive branch
For some love is
“the little things in life”
“Leaving a love note in the fridge”
“Remembering to buy me flowers”
“Rubbing my tired feet especially in my third trimester”
“Listening to me”
“Going to all the doctor appointments”
“Just being there”
“Cooking a meal before I got home and surprising me”
While others its
“he hasn’t hit me this week”
“he stopped shagging me”
All real raw angles of what and how love can support our life and what we learn about when looking for emotional support in pregnancy.
All of which can affect our mental, emotional, physical health. Especially when the birth of baby due date looms and what we feel is best for our family.
How can I support my pregnant partner holistically?
This quote sums up holistic support and love in its finest, rarest, rawest, real hardship moments, that life can bring
My partner did…….
“Everything! Massages when I needed them, cooked,cleaned(when I needed him to),we moved house and he had so much to do/painting and building furniture etc I ended up having preeclampsia and was in and out hospital too for days on end and ended up having to deliver at 30 weeks he came to the hospital every day(for 5 days while I was in he walked an hour to the hospital and an hour back as I’m the only driver,didn’t want to chance a taxi due to the pandemic and our son being 10 weeks early) then for 2 months we both went up every day while our boy was in NICU he’d sit with him in his incubator reading and talking to him while I was expressing milk in another room for him as we weren’t allowed in together till he was 6 weeks old when he had an operation at the children’s hospital (QE)….and 6months on we are 50/50,he’s amazing my man and little boy ❤️ I’m very lucky ? x”
Conclusions in supporting
The conclusions from all the comments and the question I asked mum’s:
“How did your partner support you in pregnancy“
Came from feedback from varied social forums. I received a total of 88 comments. Very much appreciated guys thank you.
Some answers genuinely brought loving tears, at how lucky these woman are to have such comfort and love through pregnancy
Others left me wondering why are you together?
And the rest left me howling with laughter. Proper belly style laughing.
But they’re all based on ‘love and relationships’
“How did your partner support you in pregnancy?”
Had a theme
They could be split into three areas of support
- Mental
- Physical
- Emotional
These support systems needed in life as a whole but particularly important in pregnancy are very interconnected and affect one another if not fulfilled.
I decided to show, from the answers received, the helpful and the hindering ways you can help your pregnant partner to maybe ignite a lightbulb moment in another, to help them become more aware of how they can support their pregnant partner.
Emotional support
Emotional support especially in pregnancy is so needed. Pregnant woman’s feeling are highjacked by the hormones and body changes.
It can be wild time feeling like your tiptoeing tenderly.
Helping your partner feel better with these changes by the words we use and the actions we do, can be tricky, because every sense is heightened.
Encouraging your pregnant partner to express how they feel and being a listener, can really fill up your pregnant partners emotional cup.
For some the changes in pregnancy are hard and for others it’s the bees bollocks.
But every pregnancy is different and can create contrasting perceptions with so many mixed feelings within.
Just being there emotionally to just listen can really help a pregnant woman to express how they feel.
By offloading to you, it can create feeling better and that they’re not alone.
These are some of the comments pregnant mums said when asked “How did your partner support you in pregnancy?
Helped them emotionally
He did absolutely everything I needed him to do! I enjoyed cleaning and stuff while pregnant because we were in lockdown and it gave me sanity but he did everything that I couldn’t do and he scraped my car every morning before he left, he cooked and he gave me the emotional support I needed
“Let me sleep, emotional support more understanding, taking on more chores, asking me how I feel. But I had to let him know I needed that.”
Hindering emotionally
“Told me to stop moaning”
“Pointed out that Serena Williams won a grand slam when she was pregnant.”
Physical support in pregnancy as a partner
As your pregnant partner grows and so can the aches particularly the back. So does your need as a partner to be the extra hands.
Physical household tasks like:
- Cleaning
- Cooking
- School run
- Shopping
Can be a lifeline in pregnancy, especially in third trimester and really greatly appreciated for your pregnant partner.
Check out these helpful comments
“He cooked he cleaned he prepared the nursery for the baby and he doesn’t expect me to do much in the house he is so comprehensive Alhamdolilah ?”
“Shaved my legs ??”
“Almost everything ? I was in hospital from 32 weeks until delivery and we still had so much to do including getting the nursery decorated. He did all that on his own while I went mad shopping online. I didn’t need much help before that but I also think the support afterwards is so important. He went and registered our son alone while I sat with him in neonatal and was really supportive while I established breastfeeding, making sure I was eating and drinking, bringing me meals while I nursed my little one constantly. I definitely don’t think I’d have been able to carry on breastfeeding if it wasn’t for him. x”
Everything lol my partner literally ran the house and took over with our other toddler throughout my entire pregnancy. I miss the regular back and feet massages lol considering having another baby just for this reason ?? xxx
I had my fav breakfast and coffee delivered to bed everyday, clean house and cooked dinner. Then we had lots of walks. He also looked after training our puppy and I enjoy the cuddles ? He is the best xxx
Hindering physically:
“Not much… told me (in jest) I was pregnant not paralysed ? he did go to the petrol station one night to get me tomato ketchup crisps though.”
“Fucked off to the pub.”
Mental support
Mental support is very much tied in with emotional support there isn’t one without the other, they are interconnected.
I found a great piece of writing, that describes it beautifully.
“A good way to think about mental and emotional health is like a tag team. Mental health refers to your ability to process information. Emotional health, on the other hand, refers to your ability to express feelings which are based upon the information you have processed” Here is the full article https://www.webmdhealthservices.com/2017/07/12/the-emotional-and-mental-aspects-of-well-being/
With this in mind highlighting how radiant your partner looks can really support your pregnant partner mentally.
Helpful mental comments
“…… told me I looked beautiful even though I was fat”
“Gave me so many cuddles and told me how gorgeous I looked”
Unhelpful for your pregnant partner:
“Absolutely fuck all”
“Called me fat and ugly”
How to support pregnant partner holistically
When all these support needs are met these are some of the responses that were expressed as helpful for your pregnant partner:
“Literally everything. He cooks all my meals and snacks – even did before I was pregnant. He does all the cleaning as well. He did two calmbirth classes with me and really took everything onboard – he reads me meditations every night and helps me with my breathing. He also does all of the errands. I brought him home from his job in June as I own a business and it was time, and he’s also supported me with the business. I’m really lucky and grateful.”
“Mine done EVERYTHING, i had a bad pregnancy so he was a rock and done a lot for me through it all x”
“Everything ? even cooked me gourmet fresh meals every night to make sure I was eating good! I’m very lucky.”
“Anything I needed, just like he does everything he can to help with the kids and housework. We’re a team, so we divide and conquer.”
Ah what hasn’t he done. Everything around me ?
“Anything I needed. We have a 3 week old plus 3 kids aged 2-6. He has been great at making sure I can focus on breastfeeding and resting. He makes sure I nap every day and does the shopping/school run etc while he is off on paternity leave. I really appreciate it because we are about to move house and it’s about to be hectic, so I’m getting time to rest, spend time with the older kids and enjoy our newborn before the chaos.”
Nicknamed me Chubby ?♀️ ? we have a sick sense of humour tho so it was endearing in his own way! Apart form that he was a fantastic support and did everything that was needed ? x
“Came to as many appointments as he could, got me decaf coffee whenever I needed it, kept up my chocolate supply and just made me feel special everyday!”
Anything and everything ❤
Absolutely everything ? I could count on him any minute of the day even though he works full time ?
“Clean my shit-vomits,listen to me being picky-nosey-angry, put up with my cravings, cooking all that i demanded?, fresh chappatis everyday, breakfast in bed ,massages , more tantrums , let me rest…..Even now with a 20 day old baby & toddler boy when im exhausted in the morning he lets me sleep for hours looking after both single handedly. So yes everything he could do he did!!!!
THANK GOD FOR HIM!!!??”
Anything I needed. I had a bad pregnancy, he did the housework, dealt with family members, drove me to work and back when I couldn’t walk, came to all my appointments with me until lockdown, cleaned out the guinea pigs and cat litter tray and made sure I rested when I did the old “oh I’m fine, I’ll just do this one thing” ??
Unhelpful for your pregnant partner:
“Nothing at all. Refused to come to any appointment apart from scans, didn’t financially provide for kids, refused to help when baby was born. Nothing.”
“Didn’t help with anything”
Nurturing stronger relationships for children
A saying I often reiterate to Seb, my nearly 6 year old
“There’s always another way”
Because although Seb is my son and i’m a single mum. He’s also a growing, endlessly learning light of a boy, who will one day be a man and have intimate very different needed relationships.
These future relationships are typically based on and similar to the relationships normalised as we develop.
How children grow and learn is based on experiences at home, school, park, friends etc which all nurture a sense of character and affect change and influence in their growing life.
The only aspect I have control over as a mum, is who I let in our home and my reaction.
Transforming mindset towards partner
Sacrifice in pregnancy and parenting is key.
Venting an anger with hostility onto a partner isn’t going to help a child learn about loving nurturing relationships directly.
Being mature and able to acknowledge that without the beautiful meeting and relationship, there wouldn’t be this incredible child, that you’ve both helped create.
Parents share a deep endless love, because of what has been created together, your amazing child.
Love and hate are needed to know both. The reaction towards the relationship, has to change.
Think about the awesome baby you’ve helped create as parents and remember what helps you as parents to feel confident, strong, safe and reassured, will shine out in your energy towards your baby and support them to grow out well and flourish.
Treating your pregnant partner holistically will support you all, in your journey ahead as parents.
Extra tips for you to support your pregnant partner
Its the little things in life we cherish as we grow.
Asking these questions below can support your pregnant partner even fuller:
Would you like a massage?
Will I look for prenatal classes for us to do together?
What can I do more of, to help you?
These kind of questions will encourage easier communication and a stronger bond together in pregnancy and as you grow into parenting.
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