Spread awareness it’s international disability day.
I’d like to share this poem I wrote in the photos below and a wee piece of writing which resulted from my mindset transforming towards the disability I have.
Belief starts with us, it affects our mindset, emotionally, mentally and physically. Speech is similar it’s energetical.
This is a wee sample from a chapter of my will be one day, published book chapter, titled “There is good and bad in everything “
There came a time in my rehabilitation that I had to face the fact that the only person who could really change me was me. The only person who could take responsibility for the choices I continued to make year on year was me, and no amount of whining, transferring, smoking, hurting other people through my actions of self denial, was going to enable me. The only person who could help me, was me.
My next meeting with my therapist I was tearful over a student being nasty to me and miscommunication and I was having a self pity party. Ludovic sternly stopped me because we’d spent many therapy sessions in crying gear. Danielle are you here to offload to me everytime you see me? or are you here to learn how to communicate better? He was short but very effective with his method. I’m not a counsellor he continued, I’m a speech and language therapist. As I tried to get my historical victim but but in, he stopped me.
Now Danielle I’m going to tell you a story of Greek mythology of a trickster called Sisyphus, have you heard of him?
No.
Well he’d wrong the gods, and as a punishment had to push a giant rock up a steep hill every day. When he reached the top of the hill what happened to the rock?
It rolled down the hill.
Exactly Danielle, and he had to repeat the exercise day in day out.
What’s the point of it? What kind of meaning is attached to it? Questions to ponder Danielle. Let me give you another story before we discuss them.
You know the forth road bridge?
Yes
Well it’s continually being painted did you know that?
No.
Well you see, once all of its painted because it’s so big once they’ve finished they’ve got to start again. Also due to the nature of water and paint breakdown, it needs to have another coat continually added to it, for maintenance purposes.
What’s the point of it? What kind of meaning do you attach to it? And more to the point, looking me right in my tears eyes, what one are you?
Are you Sisyphus or are you like the forth road bridge?
I’m the forth road bridge. Tell me why?
Because what we’re doing isn’t pointless and counterproductive like Sisyphus, its adding maintenance and substance to aid strength and keep me standing steady, to cope better with the challenging variables in life.
Exactly Danielle!
Now next time you get teary and emotional, remind yourself of why you are here, because when we cry for two hours of a three hour session we are behaving like Sisyphus. Do you get me?
I’m not denying how hard your days are and the battles you face and the torment you’ve received, but you’ve got to start using these experiences as lessons for the next time.
Progress not regress.
I’m wiping away my tears with a fighting face on, yep yep your right Ludo thank you.
Danielle you’ve been left with severe dysarthria, a disability that you may have for the rest of your life. It’s going to affect you as soon as you interact with another human. It may improve, it may not, its 2009 now, seven years on, but what will improve are your coping mechanisms. Scientists simply don’t know enough about the brain to say how your speech will progress, time does.
What I’m here to do is give you as many useful aids, tools, coping mechanisms, for you to deal better with the challenges you’re going to have on a daily basis, to make your life easier and that begins with your belief system.
I can give you all the knowledge and tools I have to help you Danelle but if your going to come in here every time and use up our three hours crying for most of it, how useful is that for you in the long run?
It’s counterproductive Ludo I’m sorry. It’s ok to cry, it’s important to cry, but let’s try next time to work through the cries and find solutions to the problems and build, rather than break down from it.
Have you got friends you can speak to about issues? Have you got a support network at university? What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with? Questions to think about til the next time we meet.
It was at this point in my therapy that a light switched on, it triggered a nerve, it stopped the hysteria and need to wallow in my pitiful self. There’s only so long one can continue down this path before something or someone flicks a switch and ignites a fire again.
Five years was enough.
You’ve got to grow from this Dann. Let’s do more of what lights up that fire. Stop acting like a victim start using what he’s saying as resources and aids. You’re one, strong, sassy woman.
I am the forth road bridge, I ain’t no Sisyphus!
