Hard mom days are challenging for our kids and moms. Its so important not to lose our shit, but moms are also human and were going to have mental meltdowns. Whats key is our ability to repair the rupture and holds our hands up at acknowledging, maybe, how not to do it next time. Moms are learning just like kids and we aren’t going to get it right all the time. There isn’t a parenting guide, but there are some really useful tips and tools which can be helpful to remember as we grow.
Hard mom days ten tips for sanity
The joys of growing is tough at times especially when our kids are going through a phase of development.
Its tough on us moms when we’re being tested, sometimes beyond our capability. Basic needs are put under pressure as I try to brush my teeth whilst having a poo and fix my boys collar and not dribble half the toothpaste over my clean clothes.
Hard mom days are testing times and I personally sometimes snap, by shouting or walking away. Either one i’ve lost it and zoned out. Then the mom guilt sets in, as I cry to release the stress and learn the lesson for next time.
You been there?……..yet?
But one thing I make sure I always do once the storm has passed and i’m more mellow in mood, is put my hands up and say, if need be, that, “I’m sorry”
I’m sorry for losing my temper to the point of shouting at you, I just felt that……..
By explaining and being open with your feelings, it can help your kid grow to know, we’re just human like them and we make mistakes too.
Humble and vulnerable.
By showing up and discussing the scene once calm. It can then be used as tools and coping mechanisms to learn and grow from, for the next time.
Because there’s going to be a next time and when we feel like our kids are breaking us. It’s important to remember it’s also an opportunity to learn, build and grow from.
Having tools and coping mechanisms to support us in these hard mom days are so important.
Here I share 3 areas that keep me sane when the hard mom days come, that help me in these suck it up and shine moments, as a single mom.
Three mental arenas for hard mom days
There are 3 arenas that can support us holistically grow and remember to be aware of to help us on these hard mom days.
1. Communicate
Do you know people who can talk the hind legs off a donkey, but not actually communicate anything other than sound?
Often they’re simply needing an ear, somebody to listen or vent to.
There isn’t a mom around who doesn’t need an ear and somebody to chat with.
We all need help as moms and reaching out to those around you by communicating your needs, is key to gaining support.
Sometimes the help is needed personally to have time out and time for mom. This is where family and friends are so important to enable this to happen. Whether that’s with your partner helping more or wider family members having a weekend with your kid to give you proper time out.
Really can work wonders for all involved.
Or asking a friend to hang out for an afternoon to blow the cobwebs with space.
Other times it could require reaching out to the teacher to support you with the challenges you’re experiencing.
Communication is fundamental to why humanity has survived so long.
So why do so many find it challenging to communicate how we feel?
Your mom circle is stardust
Raising kids takes a village. Raising moms takes a village too.
Having badass mom friends is so important in hard mom days. An ear, a shoulder to cry on, a right good giggle to shake the feeling out and just talk through the event, can really help.
Often they’ll tell you a story about their kids.
By sharing in the journey together and realising us moms aren’t alone, is so vital for good mental health and good mental habits to grow.
Moms olive branch is key like branches on a windy day to ground us and remember we all have these tough days.
Your a good mom even though you feel otherwise right now, and we love you.
Family circle
Like our mom circle I consider some of them like family, because we are so close and have shared so much together.
Our family and friends are a great resource tool for reaching out to if mom needs a hand.
But in order to do this as moms it’s vital to express how we feel to actually be willing to accept a hand.
By acknowledging the struggle and accepting that you need some help you have made the first step to change. By sharing your need for some time out, it is strength to share how we feel.
Mom’s role is continuous and gaining some space and time out, can create lightness within again.
2. Mom needs self care too
Self care is not selfish its necessary ladies.
Our strategies vary, but we all share the need to care for our gorgeous self.
Exercise
Exercise is great form of self care to boost those endorphins and dopamine levels.
Releases stress, helps sleep better, boosts healthy habits. Can make us feel better about ourselves.
Shake it baby shake it. A boogy to some music and singing, sorry screeching if it’s me ? whilst cleaning, really can work wonders for our soul.
I go to hot yoga one morning a week or for a swim and sauna to limit the feelings of hard mom days.
It helps keep life light and lifted.
However right now with lockdown, this isn’t possible. So exercising at home most days is vital to be in the my energy and soul lifted mood. Or going for a longer cycle up a hill without using gears, just to shift it.
Or plant your face in a pillow and sound arggghhhhhh into a pillow, before crying. So good to cry and release.
Getting to bed earlier
Getting to bed earlier is vital for being in our best mom day moods. It sounds so simple but really can have such a positive influence on our holistic self.
By getting to bed earlier we generally rise earlier and sleep much more soundly.
However sometimes when we’re in the hard mom days cycle of day 10 and life is still a bit heavy, everything is thrown out of whack. What can then happen is a wired state of mental energy which requires staying up longer as a result.
Gimme silence and my brain back.
Going for a bath with essential oils and salts can support relaxing our nervous system bringing us into a state of calm and encourage sleep earlier.
Breathe to lessen hard mom days
If we’re not breathing were not living, but actually breathing properly can nourish the fire.
You ever felt that angry on hard mom days, that you hold your breathe? Coz your so fuming and trying to keep it in?
Its a habit of mine im learning to be more aware of.
When we breathe into our perineum, that’s right moms right down there. We actually open up so much magic that can calm us when were about to burst. Try it
Interlink your hands and place them below your belly button. On your next inhale focus your breathe below your hands.
By breathing down here your consciously breathing and feeding your body what it needs.
By practicing this tip, it can help reach a state of calm.
Keep calm
By breathing like this it can keep us calm, ok maybe not always but it does create more calmness and often release.
I’d love to tell you i’m as calm as a cucumber, but I’m human! It’s not possible to be in the calm zone all the time when hard mom days come.
Being hard on yourself, isn’t really going to enable inner growth as its self sabotage speech.
We can all feel like a bad mom on these hard mom days. Especially when ignorant judgements within society are involved.
But becoming more aware of these thoughts towards our self can create more mindful thinking.
Especially if the hard mom days are mounting into double figure days and all patience and energy have been exhausted, because its day 11 and mom is clearly melting now.
This is when leaning on your friends and family support is needed.
3. Educate yourself hard mom days
There isn’t a manual or a perfect way to bring up kids just our ideal way. Built from our childhood and parents input and learning growing evolving from this.
“People can only understand from their experience”
I don’t know about you but I know being a mom is fraught with, errrr……. I don’t know moments.
Isn’t it great we live in times of any answer is at our finger tip moments.
Let’s ask google.
Positive parenting course
Hard mom days are opportunities to grow, but often it’s so unknown and new, that going on a course can really support us.
Many moms i’ve spoken with say a positive parenting course helped them when their kids were babies and toddlers.
Googles great for finding out parenting information in your area.
Also ask around your friends too, as word of moms mouth, spreads faster.
A health visitor, nurse, teacher, social worker would also be able to put you in touch with free services if you’re financially needing more support.
Social media holds so much relevant information for support as moms, if you type it into the search area.
There is help out there and so many books.
Hard day mom books to grow
There are so many books out there on the web telling you they have the answers your looking for. It’s a fabulous resource for hard mom days, because there’s so much information.
But I kind of feel that’s half the battle these days, there’s so much information.
Theres a great book I read called The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
From this book I then went on to read No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind which really was a saving grace for us at the time. It discusses child/parent relationships and the ability to repair the rupture, so the relationship grows out from the experience.
Martin Seligman the author and psychologist of both these books also discusses The three ps which can be very useful.
When kids are experiencing meltdown moments it very difficult to actually communicate any logic through the screams and find common understanding.
Waiting till the time is right to discuss the situation, sometimes means waiting till that night or the following day, when they’re out of the drama and in a headspace that they can speak, without fighting or fleeing.
What both these books did was help me become much more aware of this and my reaction to the action. To take a step back from trying to fix, suppress, shut out anything and just be present for them, with their wild energy.
I took notes as I went, before passing it on to another mom.
There was such wealth of knowledge and understanding that I was lacking as a mom, because it’s all new! Having the notes can be a gentle inner reflection reminder, when I lose it and forget the lessons of these books.
Being honest, soft and kind with our thoughts towards hard mom days, is key to what can be expressed out. For example, if we are cursing and being negative internally, then our energy manifests this externally.
Kids are much wiser to energy, than words.
We are all growing and learning everyday.
Mindfulness course to learn together
Another educating idea could be learning something new together.
Finding a common activity that fascinates you both can really feed a new dynamic to growing your relationship and feed their amazing, potential capable, love to learn brain.
We started a mindfulness course by mindful minis aimed at kids 3-12 years a few weeks ago. Its broken down into 2 minute videos, ideal bitesize chunks, that feed positive powerful seeds. Its a monthly course, but like life can be done in your own time.
We usually watch a 2 minute video before breakfast. It comes with a journal that you can fill out.
Were currently in week 3 and my favourite hard mom days quote so far is this one;
Journalling for hard mom days
Journalling is another depth to educating ourselves to a higher consciousness.
Hard mom days are real and necessary for development growth and change within our self.
Having a journal and venting within, can really be a inner winner.
By writing;
- What happened? (the action)
- What you did? (mom’s/kids reaction)
- How did it go? (kids/mom’s reaction)
- How could it have been handled better?
- What could I do differently next time?
- What did I learn from this experience?
There are some days where it can be necessary to journal it to help us grow internally in our mom role, because the situations soulfully shaken.
What it can do is create growth and change through time by being honest, open and consciously aware, that we are only ever learning and to remember, our heart.
